A tale of my sporting loyalties, and other such rambles

With just two weeks to go until the World Cup kicks off, I could be forgiven for admitting that not a great deal has crossed my mind in the last couple of weeks that isn’t sport-related. However it’s surprised me to learn that it’s not ALL football-related. The build-up to Wimbledon for me, at least, has started early this year, and I find myself strangely drawn to the French Open.

So what's happened so far on the Parisienne clay then? Well Nadal is looking devastating, in more ways than one (did I say that out loud?!). I can't see anyone standing in his way this year, knee permitting. Which is going to cause something of a moral dilemma for me in the next round as it's looking like he'll face Hewitt. And not only have I always been a big fan of the Aussie, but I always support the underdog. Will my Rafa-naticism hold out? Or will my resolve crumble and the guts or glory instinct take over, compelling me to sing ‘let’s go Lleyton, let’s go’ at the top of my voice, along with the hoardes of mouthy Aussies that will doubtless congregate at Court Phillippe Chatrier for the match? Watch this space.

Murray's been a bit all over the place so far, although he seems to be settling down now. I don’t know why I mention him really, I am still physically incapable of giving even the teeniest tiniest hamster crap about him, however ‘unpatriotic’ that might make me (yes, let’s ask him who’s he’s supporting in the World Cup THIS time and see if he manages to piss off practically his entire fanbase AGAIN). Also, I saw something yesterday I don't think I will ever emotionally recover from, and as such I think anyone with even a passing interest in tennis needs to see it so I'm not alone. It's only a minute long (it's more than enough, really):

http://www.atpworldtour.com/Tennis/Media/Videos/2010/05/Roland-Garros-2010-Karaoke-Murray.aspx]http://www.atpworldtour.c...10-Karaoke-Murray.aspx

The less said about that the better.

So, tennis anyone? Just me for now then! I'm sure it'll be more of a talking point in a month or so when the white-clad ones take to the manicured lawns at the All England Club. In the meantime I am revving up my England-fuelled emotional torture device and it should be ready to go by the time we take to the field for the first time in Rustenburg on 12th June. I’m sure by that point we’ll already have lost at least two key players to metatarsal injuries, inflicted by aggrieved WAGs most likely. Respective tears for respective pints at the ready, everyone? Good.

Until then, I’ll be drinking to the finale of Lost tonight (yes, I know I’m late, but I’m a traditionalist. Plus I’ve been on holiday and have only just caught up) and the ever-fabulous Eurovision Song Contest tomorrow. Don’t even pretend you aren’t going to ‘have it on in the background’. Come on Slovenia! I can’t cheer you in the World Cup but I bloody can in this. And anything has to be better than that pathetic wet tissue of a British entry.

Right. Have a good weekend, everyone!

EDIT: I've just discovered that Slovenia aren't even in the arsing song contest. It's got to be between Armenia and Moldova, right? Right...?!

The Black Procession Tour – Newcastle Academy 2, 26th February 2010

A lack of hair, more than compensated for by a collection of circle pits…

It was a cold, rainy night in February. I was waiting, coatless, outside an Academy. And yet I WASN’T seeing Lamb of God. Say what?

Instead, The Black Procession tour, which has been weaving its way up and down the country for the last week or so, comprising some big, fat, no-nonsense metal for all to partake of. Well, alright then, I suppose I’ll give it a go.

First on the bill, Glaswegian deathcore crew Man Must Die, the replacement band for All Shall Perish who had unfortunately pulled out of the tour some time ago. They were worth turning up early for, despite their repeated insistence on demanding a ‘circle pit’ which, in a Scottish accent, just made me think of Lorraine Kelly trying to organise a knitting club on GMTV. The pit that stuttered into existence was quite appropriate then, featuring about three 15-year-olds tripping over each other and a big bald bloke who eventually cleared the space for a spot of Greco-roman wrestling. I shit you not. From a musical standpoint, closing track ‘Kill It, Skin It, Wear It’ is quite catchy really and I think these chaps are more than capable of holding their own at this level.

Next up were Bleeding Through. The crowd had swelled by this point and they definitely created some atmosphere. Those of you who know me, or have ever read my blog, know that I’m really only comfortable with a metal band when they’re good and hairy. In fact, my enjoyment of a band is probably directly correlated with their relative hairiness. Your hairs are your aerials, after all. It came as no surprise, then, that I really didn’t connect with this band, as they seemed to be suffering from a nasty strain of collective baldness, well, aside from keyboard player Maria Peterson, allegedly one of the hottest (read: only) women in metal, yet clearly not really essential to the musical proceedings, other than to lend some impressive round-the-clock headbanging with the only hair on the stage.

I also feel it is my duty to point out that the ‘circle’ pit they created was not geometrically sound at all; it was more of an elliptical shape, really. Most irregular. It was large, though. It struck me at that moment, that circle pits really must be the most masculine way for a large group of blokes to skip around in a circular formation together.

To be fair to Bleeding Through, they certainly got people going, but I found the music generic and they did little to impress me in all honesty.

Hatebreed on the other hand, are severely follicly challenged, but they seem to be the exception that proves the rule (whatever that actually means). They whip the crowd up a notch immediately, everyone shouting along with their catchy brand of metallic hardcore (I refuse to call it metalcore as I don’t think it actually IS, really). They tear through songs from a variety of albums, have some good banter with the crowd despite verging on overly cheesy Americanisms at times (‘who has more heart than you? No-one!’) and are thoroughly entertaining, particularly as I can’t shake the feeling of lead singer Jamey Jasta reminding me of Fred Durst, which lends things a slight comedy over-tone, for me at least.

It’s clear from Machine Head’s soundcheck that the warnings I’ve had from previous attendees on this tour are going to be borne out here tonight too – it’s going to be LOUD. Thankfully I’ve brought along some earplugs and they are rammed into my ears by the time the headline act take the stage, yet it still sounds like a regular gig to me – I think this means, it’s LOUD. My vibrating sternum was testament to this, in the absence of aching eardrums.

As promised, the band give us a sort of ‘greatest hits’ set, inasmuch as they pick highlights from each of their six studio albums, as well as debuting old tracks – ‘Spine’ from The More Things Change gets its first airing EVER in the UK, and ‘Blood For Blood’ from Burn My Eyes its first in 8 years. This pleases me as I’m an old-school Machine Head fan, and hearing six tracks in total from across their first two albums is pretty good going. Also, they are three-quarters hairy, which makes me feel at home again. Highlights for me include ‘Old’ and ‘Bulldozer’ as well as the rare tracks, and of course the crushing crescendo of final song ‘Davidian’, which never fails to grab every metal fan in the room by the throat and squeeze.

Gig over, I was smugly aware that I was probably the only person in the place that had retained some form of hearing. For my first gig since the Lamb of God tour, it was a good one. It kicked the crusty Wrath-infested cobwebs away and reminded me that life goes on – there are many more gigs to be had, many more bands to bang my head to. Although I have to say it did feel strange not hearing ‘Richmond motherfucking Virginia’ at the beginning or ‘last chance to dance’ at the end (Robb Flynn almost said it… but not quite). I did sort of feel like I was being unfaithful. But Lamb of God can rest easy. I may have been with Machine Head… but I was thinking of them the whole time.

Lamb of God Wrath 2010 Tour - The Review

When I first considered the notion of following a band around the UK for a full headline tour, it seemed a bit absurd. It would clearly be tiring, expensive and a physical and mental challenge – was it really worth the bother? Having made a good stab at it with Tool back in 2006 I knew that seeing one of your favourite bands live, repeatedly, was ample reward for the output of effort. But this was five dates in five days, covering large distances and the threat of suffering whiplash and liver failure on a daily basis – was I man enough?! I clearly couldn’t do it alone, and was egged on every step of the way by the Norwegian Congregation members who inspired me the take this tour on in the first place, Ilona and Tone, and by my newly-acquired fellow Lamb of God-loving buddy, Dan. Without them, I wouldn’t be where I am today, literally in some cases! More on them later!

I never know where to start in these situations, and even when I’m about to post on one of the most amazing weeks of my life the problem doesn’t go away – in fact it’s worse, as there is just so much to say. But at least it’s possible to give it SOME structure, so to follow the advice of Julie Andrews (and which self-respecting metaller wouldn’t?) – let’s start at the very beginning.

DAY ONE – Tuesday 9th February

An agonising morning at work (why oh why didn’t I just take the whole day off?!) preceded the walk to Central Station in Newcastle, where my week of Pure American Metal™ was about to begin. A fairly relaxing train journey later I met up with Claire Allatt who would be joining our merry band of metallers for the first leg of the tour. After checking into our porta-hotel (Etap, Birmingham) we rocked up at Scruffy’s for a well-deserved pint and to rendevous with the LOG crew (poetry corner alert). The Norwegians greeted me with a thunderous Lamb of God chant and it became clear they were as crazy as their 17-date European tour suggested. Dan took about five minutes to nickname me ‘Mum’ due my superior age (and intelligence, of course!) and it was clear we were all going to have a week to remember.

We had a couple of pints, wondered what the hell we were letting ourselves in for, and made our way to the O2 Academy, where we arrived just in time to catch the last song of first support act, Between The Buried And Me. I say the last song, although it was a 10 minute piece, but it turned out to be the only song they played that night – it’s a mystery as to what went wrong but it must have been very disappointing for fans of the band, who found themselves attending a somewhat different show to that which they might otherwise have wanted.

As I have seen most of the bands five times this week I’ll only review them once – BTBAM will come later. August Burns Red made a good first impression on me – energetic, tight and punchy, they went down really well with the Brummie crowd and really livened up proceedings.

Not in any rush to drag myself away from conversation with the most excellent Manu Patel, I only caught the back end of Job For A Cowboy – I have to confess to not having been a huge fan of this band before the start of the tour, and I wasn’t blown away by them on my first viewing, although being so far away from the action could have had something to do with it.

Dan, Claire and I made a joint decision to remain watching from the balcony for Lamb of God; it seemed logical to experience as many different viewpoints as possible in our five days, and having a full view of the stage made a nice change, seeing the full kit, backdrop and band! The guys made an explosive start to the tour, the setlist featuring much of latest album ‘Wrath’ as well as some older favourites and classic tracks. Personal highlights were the spine-chilling guitar duet preceding ‘Grace’, and ‘Reclamation’ which sounded just devastatingly good and had me punching Dan in the arm with excitement that it had made it onto the setlist – what a tune. The self-proclaimed (and Randy-proclaimed!) 'home of heavy metal' had surely proved its worth tonight.

As it goes, it appeared that we’d all forgotten it was still the middle of the most blisteringly cold winter since records began or what have you, so we all went back to the hotel, donned extra layers and headed back out to hang by the buses. Chatted to some fellow fans and tried desperately not to freeze solid whilst waiting to say hi to the guys. We got to have a quick chat with Mark Morton and Chris Adler and take a couple of photos which was pretty sweet, Randy Blythe was in the pub already apparently and the others had managed to get by us somehow so we went to the nearest kebab shop and satisfied our hunger with kebab meat, the most metal fork in the world and a really big knob. A good start to the tour? I'll say.

DAY TWO – Wednesday 10th February

Managed a spot of breakfast in the glorious Pallasades shopping centre (one of the true jewels in Birmingham’s crown – how I miss it!) before literally throwing a bottle of Diet Coke down the stairs at New Street station, jumping over it as it exploded and leaving it behind me as I rushed off to catch my train back to Newcastle. I am so rock and roll.

It was kind of strange coming home in the middle of the tour but it was good to experience some home comforts before heading out for show number 2, via Geordie metallers’ mainstay Trillians for an obligatory pre-gig pint (read: pints) with the other half.

The Academy in Newcastle was the smallest venue we would visit all week and the most relaxed – it’s not sold out and although lively, we’re still able to watch from near the front. We’re there from the beginning this time, and catch a full Between the Buried and Me set, which although still only amounting to around 25 minutes, is better than yesterday. They are just as impressive as expected – mind-pulverisingly technical grindcore fusing beautifully with spacey jazz-infused melodic sections; this band really are ones to watch, and despite their odd billing on a tour primarily composed of more mainstream metal bands, they impress each night without fail, and make a small army of followers very happy indeed.

Lamb of God are on point tonight, the sound very good with the vocals higher in the mix than they sometimes tend to be, which is a very good thing. The crowd may be smaller than the average on this tour but they are perfectly formed (if I do say so myself) and it’s a night of slightly (read: very) tipsy head-banging goodness and an all round thumbs up. Staggered home (well, got a cab because we’re lazy) and enjoyed the luxury of getting out the Breville and having a stupidly cheesy sausage and cheese toastie made for me – and that’s where the home comforts ended!

DAY THREE – Thursday 11th February

Despite being two gigs down and three to go, the travelling part of the tour felt as though it properly kicked off for me when Dan’s Lambrover™ arrived to pick me up at around 11:00am Thursday morning. Finally I was travelling with my partners in crime, and we were all in high spirits as we set off for Glasgow. It’s a pleasant road-trip from the North-East to Scotland and was made even better by the copious amounts of metal, Pringles, Jaffa Cakes and general hilarity that ensued. I explained to our Norwegian friends the concept of fried Mars Bars, and why the Scottish and English don’t get on, we saw a massive cock on a hill (really!) and arrived in Glasgow in good time, navigating the city centre with aplomb despite the seeming desire of all buses to crush us on our way. The Lambrover had now become the special bus – Scotland was not going to know what had hit it! Our accommodation was the Euro Hostel which wasn’t too bad really, and we started our evening activity in the hostel bar with another well-deserved pint.

I met up with John Todd and some other Scottish boardies who proceeded to encourage me to drink rather more cider than I had originally anticipated, and rock up at the gig too late to see BTBAM. Watched ABR from the back and found them just as entertaining as on previous days, especially whilst slightly drunk and standing on the Barrowlands’ bouncy floor.

Then was my time. Following a combination of peer pressure and morbid curiosity I had made the decision to do something that I’ve literally never done before – watch a metal gig from the barrier (Swallow the Sun didn’t count – there were only about 30 people watching!). I made my way to the front with surprising ease and practised my photography skills on Job For A Cowboy, who I have to say by that point had started to grow on me. It did help that they were rather easy on the, er, camera lens. It got intense after that and the camera was laid to rest (see what I did there) for the impending arrival of our protagonists.

And what an arrival. Glasgow just tips the other shows as my personal favourite gig of the week – purely because of my proximity to the action, eyeball to eyeball with the Virginian metal gods and able even to share a few words with them at the end of the show, and have a very sweet Glaswegian security fellow retrieve a pick for me that fell short, as well as a setlist for Dan. Nice. As far as the gig itself goes, it’s clear that Randy Blythe enjoys Scotland, he was enthusiastically bigging up the Scottish, he executed his one and only stage-dive of the week and foolishly (to my horror) advised everyone to ‘go off like you’re at a Celtic Rangers game’. Oh god. Somehow, my ribcage came through relatively unscathed. It was a top gig despite Willie’s speaker cutting out during the last couple of songs – he tried beating it with his fists to fix it but strangely this clearly tried and tested reparatory method didn’t work this time – I wonder why?

I went a bit mental after that, possibly due to the dehydration and the large volumes of other people’s sweat that I had absorbed through every pore, and after getting out I realised that Jagermeister was really the only answer to the as yet un-asked question, and so we walked to the Cathouse in Glasgow, accompanied by a rousing rendition of ‘Bob the Builder’ in Norwegian. Which surprisingly, keeps popping into my head even now. Had a good night in the Cathouse dancing like a loon to various metal classics and fondling the chain mail wall hangings.

DAY FOUR – Friday 12th February

The morning in Glasgow was shared between Subway and Boots (breakfast subs, eyeliner and ear plugs all being tour essentials, of course!). The trip to the latter establishment included one of the worst ever suggested possible chat-up lines for a person to use on a metal singer, and the less said about that the better. We took to the Lambrover for the long haul to Manchester, and endured a long and fairly quiet road trip (although that was mainly due to us all being temporarily deaf) before hitting a run of bad karma which included getting lost repeatedly in Manchester City Centre, both in the car and on foot, finding out that our hostel was an absolute hellhole, and me forgetting my ticket halfway to the venue. The mood was low, probably just due to tiredness and aching bodies, and we needed a pick-me-up for sure.

We put the stress behind us with a chill and a beer outside the academy (making up for lost time due to my error by hailing a cab – which turned out to be a very good plan indeed!) It occurred to us that it might have been somewhat ignorant for us not to at least learn the names of the members of Job For A Cowboy, as we seemed to be bumping into them every five minutes, and providing them with smoking paraphernalia, but it slipped my mind. I really will do better next time. Had a brief chat to Mr Morton which was nice and chatted to some of the other fans waiting outside. It was feeling quite normal by this point to be doing what we were doing, ie the full tour, perhaps even a bit soft, in consideration of what the Norwegians were doing, but the more people we told, the more it seemed that actually, it was quite a feat – people were impressed, jealous, or just thought we were crazy, but in all our travels we didn’t encounter anyone else doing anything even remotely similar, so perhaps we weren’t so normal after all?

After a miscalculation in door times resulting in a long wait in the cold (what was new!) I managed to get on the barrier for the second night in a row, although it was surprisingly bloody cold up there and extremely crushed, and I bailed out during LOG’s third song – two days in a row is just too painful, and I’m not an elastic-boned teen anymore. I drank a pint and a half of liquid in about 30 seconds and enjoyed the rest of the show from the relative calm of the bar.

Post-show, we talked to Campbell who berated us for not getting to soundcheck that day – apparently there was a failure to communicate the night before, oops! We re-arranged for tomorrow in London – nice. Chatted some more to Chris who informed us we had been the subject of some discussion between the band – they were considering changing up the setlist for us! I asked if they did requests. To my surprise he said sure, what did I want to hear? I was thrilled to find out that my actual request (Descending) had been played in rehearsal that day for possible inclusion in tomorrow’s setlist – double nice. We were about to head back to the hostel when super-dude sound dude Spud (no, I didn’t think that one through before typing it) invited us along to a bar they were going to – triple nice.

Big Hands bar on Oxford Road is so very cool in a laid-back, retro-cum-hip-hop chic way that I actually had to remind myself out loud a couple of times that I was still in Manchester and not in Soho. I can’t actually decide whether it went up or down in the cool stakes when 20 minutes or so after we arrived, there was a mass influx of American band and crew members, although the place literally lifted off its feet. And got about 30 decibels louder when Randy Blythe walked through the door.

It was amusing as hell watching these guys let their hair down and the night that followed was pretty damn sweet. Notable highlights included chatting to Spud who was an absolutely sound guy (see what I did there. Oh, somebody please, stop me), chatting to Chris about his admirable devotion to his wife (don’t forget kids – it’s not cheating unless you’re Tweeting!), as well as discussing beer, hotels and crane-driving, watching Randy Blythe sitting in a kebab shop talking to some kids before heading back to the bus devouring some unidentifiable food as aggressively as if it were still alive, watching Willie Adler getting his groove on to some hip-hop before walking straight into a sandwich board and knocking it over on his way out of the pub, and generally just gaining a little insight into what metal bands actually do when they’re out on the town in another country. They hang out and have a beer, apparently. Who'd have thunk it.

DAY FIVE – Saturday 13th February

The final day of the tour loomed large, but we still had plenty to look forward to. After a brief and disturbing sleep in which I dreamt so realistically I woke up not sure what was real and what wasn’t, Dan and I set off down south in the Lambrover, sans Norwegians as they were travelling by train that day due to their hotel being in a considerably different area to ours.

The bad karma of yesterday’s journey was gone and we made great time despite the bloody 50mph speed restrictions (the M6 toll road actually gained us some time despite costing us money). We had a pit-stop at Dan’s country pad before catching a train into London where we had a mad dash from King’s Cross to our hotel and back again, and then to Brixton, where miraculously we arrived early enough to purchase a couple of beverages and have a giggle by the bus. It was a journey of about 6 legs and we managed it in just over 6 hours – go us!

After a chilly wait on what had to be number 1 of the top 5 coldest roads in Britain (yes folks, we’ve experienced them all this week!), we saw a familiar face. Campbell came over and said hi, checked we weren’t weirdos and hadn’t stabbed anybody and then invited us onto the bus, which was most hospitable of him, particularly as he offered us a beer. He couldn’t find his smokables which was a disappointment, but the short time we were there enabled us to view the rather plush surroundings that metal superstars are accustomed to these days – well, plush for a bus, anyway! It was warm, with comfy leather seats and mirrored walls and ceiling. My arse hadn’t felt anything nicer all week. It was also tidy and didn’t smell, both of which came as something of a shock to me.

Norwegians finally in tow, the lovely Spud took us inside the venue for the soundcheck. Stage -left by the sound desk, we were face-meltingly warm and had a view all the waiting faithful on the street outside would envy – the four musicians from Lamb of God rehearsing for that evening’s set! They played four songs which was more than we could have hoped for, including Descending and Vigil as promised (although we later found out they wouldn’t be putting them into the set after all – but at least we had heard them!) It was a shame that Randy’s reluctance to do soundchecks meant we had to provide vocals ourselves, but I can’t say we minded much as it goes. Rehearsal over, the guys all came over to say hello which was damn cool of them, they were probably just wondering when we would go away, but the way I see it, being recognised by your favourite band as a stalker still counts as being recognised! We even got the chance to have a proper chat with Willie outside the venue which was cool and I even managed to restrain myself and not squeeze him, which I’d been dying to do all week, I should have done it really – might not get another chance!

The pub then occurred – another leather sofa actually, and although not quite as comfortable, I still managed to sink into it and relax for a while. It was starting to hit home that we were coming to the end, felt a bit subdued so went to find some fast food and another beer.

Brixton Academy itself was packed, but we had taken the decision to stand well back and take it all in – and it was a good decision. Not that it helped much – being crushed in the pit or on the barrier might have stopped me from shedding a rather emo tear as ‘The Passing’ started up, I’m not ashamed, it had been a long and memorable week, and I snapped out of it once ‘In Your Words’ kicked in. Was just the right amount of pissed to bang my head and groove like a crazy mofo for the entirety of the gig, and it was probably the best of the week in terms of sound and lighting so it was good to be able to enjoy those from the comfort of a relatively remote position in the crowd. I got some great photos including what turned out to be a fairly lucky shot of the actual last moment of the tour – just that realisation put the lump right back in my throat, soppy mare.

We decided that we had said our goodbyes earlier and that any further stalking might result in a restraining order so we headed to Tottenham Court Road to sample the finest alternative establishments it had to offer, namely Intrepid Fox and Cro Bar, the latter of which was so crammed at the front I ended up sandwiched against the wall by MetalHammer editor Phil Alexander, who heard the tale of our adventure from Dan and seemed quite impressed! Then a wander back to out hotel via one of the most excellent (duuude) busking guitarists I’ve ever seen. We sat outside the hotel for a moment of reflection before rudely awakening the member of staff on Reception to ask him to allow us into the hotel, where I crashed for the final time.

EpiLOG

And so there it was. What had initially seemed like a whimsical way to spend a few days, had turned out to be one of the most memorable weeks of my life, and certainly my best ever experience with a band – such genuine, down to earth guys – I would be honoured to drink with them again, and hopefully in the not too distant future. On Sunday morning I discovered muscles in my neck that definitely weren’t there before, and reality hit home hard on Monday when I checked the damage to my bank balance and returned to the daily grind, but the memories will live on for a long time, and for the metallest week in my existence, I would like to thank the following people:

Dan – for being my ultimate tour buddy, with me from start to finish, one helluva cool dude and of course, son!
Ilona and Tone – for being great fun, getting me excited and making me realise the pure awesomeness of being on the barrier!
My other half – for tolerating this crazy notion, for getting me pissed in Newcastle, for his toastie-making skills and for making me giggle on Friday night
Spud – for being good company and an all-round cool dude, and hooking us up!
Lamb of God – for inspiring me to make this crazy trip, for bringing the metal on point five nights in a row, for being genuinely nice, humble guys and appreciating us as fans, and for laughs and good company on a few occasions. (And for not reporting us to the police for harassment at any point).
Claire – for keeping me company in the Rent-a-Hotel and getting down with us in Birmingham
John (DLF) – for being a fine host and showing us a great night out in Glasgow
Glasgow Security guy – for keeping an eye on me and sorting us out with a pick and setlist!
Howard Winchester Hotel, Kings Cross – for reminding us that everywhere isn’t as bad as Hatters Hostel in Manchester

Wrath Maths!! For those of you who were wondering, the numbers that matter….

Miles travelled – Almost 1,300 (600-ish in the Lambrover, 680 on the train)
Lamb of God gigs attended – 5
Crazy Norwegians – 2
Ciders consumed – 28
Bruised ribs – numerous
Crocked backs – 1
Pounds in weight lost –2
Items of clothing containing other men’s sweat – at least 14
Frost-bitten hands – 2
Metal magazine editors impressed – 1
What the hell’s going on here?! – 183

Gan Geordie – daily
Money spent – Could have been worse…!
Job For A Cowboy members names known – 0
Guaran-fucking-teed – 42
Mops fetched – numerous
Inane grins - infinity
Awesomeness factor out of 10 – 11
Exaggeration factor – 100 billion %

There are many more photos from the trip, if you want to check them out, here are the links...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=392210&id=670500433&l=2495f9370d

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=392907&id=670500433&l=c08a251c84

Swallow the Sun @ Newcastle Academy 2, 5th December 2009

Oops - I wrote this before Christmas and forgot to post it for some reason! Here it comes...

Rounding off my most active gigging year ever was one of the lowest key shows of all, a veritable mini-lith (see what I did there?!) of Finnish doom-y goodness in Newcastle’s lovely little teeny tiny Academy 2. Unsurprisingly, it was even quieter than it had been a month previous for Paradise Lost and Katatonia, which was a shame as in my opinion, there were some gems on offer. I arrived early to escape the throng of slightly drunken football supporters staggering to the Bigg Market so caught the whole show – win win! Omnium Gatherum were first up. A melodic death six-piece with elements of thrash, they were a solid opener, playing a decent 40 minute set and getting the crowd warmed up, literally.

Next on were Insomnium. People seemed overly excited about this band; (I overheard a guy outside the venue afterwards saying he could die happy now!) the head-banging was fast, furious, and quite well choreographed both from the audience and the band, who themselves were juggernaut-heavy, pulling out a fine selection of songs from their latest album ‘Across the Dark’ and some from their previous offerings which went down a treat amongst the metal-hungry faithful. Really good stuff. I felt like I was really getting my money’s worth!

Swallow the Sun sloped onto the stage somewhat apologetically, before explaining that their drummer had been injured earlier in the day and wasn’t yet back from hospital, so Insomnium’s diminutive sticksman would be sitting in for him. They also said something or other about Omnium Gatherum’s keyboard player – who I think was standing in for theirs, although I’ve no idea where he was. Maybe he was too depressed to play. That’s what you get for being in a doom band. Sadly it was not the only hiccup in a set fraught with technical mishappery, including a persistent niggling and eventually knackered guitar and the sudden emergence around halfway through of the actual drummer, who seemed alright despite his injury. The heart and soul of the performance was delivered by lead guitarist Juha Raivio and bassist Matti Honkonen who were great to watch, as even lead singer Mikko Kotamaki seemed affected by the lacklustre crowd and the various other issues. I was really surprised to look behind me and see that the majority of Insomnium’s audience had retreated as I would have assumed that the headline band were the main draw, as they were for me, but it seems I was mistaken.

Despite everything, I thought the band sounded great. Highlights of their set included two songs from the beautiful ‘Plague of Butterflies’ EP, and tracks from latest release ‘New Moon’. The bass playing was mesmerising, the vocals were absolutely spot on, even the stand-in drummer did a really good job. It was just a shame as they really didn’t seem happy with how it went but these things can’t be helped. I will be there whenever they next play over here and hopefully will see a top-of-their-game Swallow the Sun – which based on tonight’s performance really will be a sight (and sound!) to behold.

Albums of the Year

It was going to be a top 10 but I couldn’t narrow it down any further. So here they are, in order – the gems of 2009, like pouring honey in your ears, guaranteed to make you all sticky and a bit deaf.

1. Hacride – Lazarus (May)
2. Lamb of God – Wrath (Feb)
3. Katatonia – Night is the New Day (Nov)
4. Guilt Machine – On This Perfect Day (Aug)
5. Amorphis – Skyforger (June)
6. Swallow the Sun – New Moon (Nov)
7. Alice in Chains – Black Gives Way to Blue (Sept)
8. Between the Buried and Me – The Great Misdirect (Oct)
9. Insomnium – Across the Dark (Sept)
10. Devin Townsend – Addicted (Nov)
11. Isis – Wavering Radiant (May)

Some gigs I went to…

Hello everyone. I’ve been a bit slack with this lately and for that I apologise. I have four whole gigs to update you on but on the plus side, because I’m so behind and because they cover a total of EIGHT bands, I’m fully intending to be brief. Hurrah! I hear you shout! Less rambling to contend with. Yes indeedy. Well, that’s the intention at least. Cracking straight on, in reverse chronological order (in keeping with general blog convention!)

Paradise Lost, Katatonia + Engel – O2 Academy 2, Newcastle, 1st November 2009

Originally billed as an O2 Academy gig, it was something of a surprise when on arrival at the venue on a wet and windy Sunday night, we were funnelled into the main room’s smaller brother instead – the pocket-sized Academy 2. Presumably indicative of poor ticket sales, this disappointingly struck another blow to the reputation of my current resident city as a live music tour de force in the UK. Where IS everyone? I’m not the hugest Paradise Lost fan and would happily admit I was there for Katatonia, but I was there, and not enough other people were.

Having a gig down-sized is not a good thing and almost felt like a personal failure (should I have tried harder to make people attend?!) However, always one to find the positives in a situation I looked at the up-side – this meant seeing one of my favourite bands in a much more intimate setting than I had previously been expecting – the room can’t have had more than 300 people in at its fullest. Beautiful!

There would have been half that, or maybe even less, when first support Engel prematurely arrived on stage. Give us a chance, people! They must have been on 10 or 15 minutes after doors open at the most, but luckily we caught most of their set. A relatively new band, hailing from Germany, Engel are an energetic four-piece, giving the crowd some humorous abuse (‘this is even worse than Wrexham!’) in between ripping through tight, heavy performances of songs from their debut album ‘Absolute Design’. It was duly noted that the lead singer had a comical bald spot and the drummer looked like Alan Carr, and all in all, they were definitely were turning up on time for.

It’s an understatement to say I was excited about seeing Katatonia. Having missed them at Bloodstock in the summer I was thrilled to be offered the chance to see them here in Newcastle, and the added bonus of being within about three feet of the stage was adding to my nervous energy. The stage was far too small for five Swedes AND Paradise Lost’s drumkit, but they owned it completely, kicking off with ‘Ghost of the Sun’ from the Viva Emptiness album and immediately drawing in the small but devoted crowd despite technical issues and the fact that the bass player was entirely hidden from view.

Their set consisted almost entirely of songs from Viva Emptiness and The Great Cold Distance which suited me fine – they came across really well live, the set picking up tempo once the technical issues had been resolved. Highlights included the sing-along classics ‘Evidence’ and ‘Soil’s Song’, both of which had the crowd singing along in unison. They also debuted one song, ‘Forsaker’, from their forthcoming release, ‘Night is the New Day’ which sounded promising. One ecstatically happy Katatonia fan proceeded to have another drink and not pay a great deal of attention to Paradise Lost, so I’m opting not to review them – I was in anti-climax mode and am not a huge fan to be honest – however others around me seemed to be having a good time so I’ll conclude that they did a good job!

Amon Amarth + Entombed – Northumbria Student’s Union, 29th October 2009

For the first time in four years of working here, a metal gig at my place of employment! Fantastic. I probably would have gone even if it had been a totally rubbish metal band. Luckily it wasn’t! Evile were due to be the third support on this tour but due to the tragic and untimely death of their bass player, Mike Alexander, they had removed themselves from the bill. Both bands acknowledged the loss and dedicated a song to Mike, and Entombed’s guitarist wore and Evile shirt – all very respectful, and rightly so.

Entombed were good fun and got the crowd going. ‘Death n roll’, as their style has been described in the past, is a genre unlikely to become the next big thing or even a big thing at all, but they have been doing their thing for a number of years and it’s easy to see why they are popular among the metal faithful. It’s hard not to move to their hook-driven, catchy songs, and lead singer Lars-Goran Petrov gives it his all from start to finish. Shame about the lighting. Never in all my gig-going days have I experienced anything quite so annoying! The crowd lights were flashing on and off throughout, repeatedly blinding everyone who didn’t have their head between their knees, true metal style. Serves me right for wanting to actually ‘see’ the band, I suppose.

Amon Amarth are mighty, battle-ready beasts of the night, gods of metal personified. Well, I’m not going to argue with them – have you seen the size of them? It’s hard not to be slightly agog when they stride warrior-like through the smoke to the front of the stage, the four non-drumming members lining up in a row like the frontlines of an ancient army, in full Viking costume and with acres of hair between them. Lead singer Johan Hegg comes complete with a drinking horn. I’m half expecting to see a warship moored in the car park after the gig. The gig itself is a riotous, rousing, foot-stomping, air-punching affair, very enjoyable indeed, my personal highlight being the anthemic ‘Guardians of Asgaard’ from the Swedes’ latest release, ‘Twilight of the Thunder God’. Their encore wasn’t half bad either. Thor and Odin are heartily applauding, I’m sure.

ISIS – The Cluny, Newcastle, 26th October 2009

It was a Monday in late October, but despite the SAD-infused autumnal gloom, made worse by the clocks going back the weekend just gone, the seven days ahead were something like heaven. Three whole gigs in my town of residence, in the space of one week!

Something about going out on a Monday seems really rather naughty. Especially when you leave the house to catch the bus before 7:00 and it’s pitch black and a bit damp outside. Our destination – the Cluny in Byker, one of the hippest music venues in the city, and host for the evening to the hipper side of the metal world. Post-metal is a strange beast, one which I am still grappling with – it bests me nearly every time I try. However, some of the leading lights of the scene itself, Americans ISIS, have managed to break through my post-resistant shell and actually penetrate my consciousness.

From the way fans of the genre talk about it, you could describe post-metal as the older, wiser brother of traditional metal. It wears its hair short and its trouser tight, and probably has a well-sculpted beard and some square black glasses. As for its musical style, it flies in the face of traditional metal values, rejecting balls-out machismo and furious, anger-fuelled rants in favour of introspection, atmosphere and, well, a bit of mood lighting. ISIS were the first band of this kind that I ever heard and at the time, I didn’t even know such a genre existed. A few years later, music critics and fans alike clamour to drop bands into neatly defined boxes, and the scene that has built up around ISIS and their ilk has been given a name.

Maybe I’m just a bit simple but I find most of it fairly dull and repetitive. It annoys me that most fans of the genre look down on plain old metallers like they are unevolved monkeys, dismissing the entire genre as the cerebral equivalent of blancmange. It’s partly why I find it so off-putting. But anyway, back to ISIS – they are a band who have survived the labelling and retained their place on my iPod; they have a harsher edge and some really breath-taking moments of intensity and this is in evidence tonight.

Following an abysmal support band, ISIS are a welcome relief (I feel it necessary to dedicate a few sentences to Mothlite, albeit parenthetically; a band who apparently think it’s perfectly acceptable to use up a third of their allocated support slot set making a monotone noise and then blaming it on a computer don’t deserve the honour of sitting outside brackets I’m afraid. Especially when their singer is a Morrissey wannabe). They create a truly vast noise, opening with material from their latest album, 2009’s blissful ‘Wavering Radiant’, and working through a good chunk of it, as well as showcasing some highlights from previous releases including 2004’s ‘Panopticon’, the album that caught my interest in the first place. Their sound really punches through, at once enveloping and crushing, the quieter moments punctuating beautifully and reinforcing the intensity of the heavier sections. It’s dynamics like this that really make them stand out from other bands of a similar style (please, if you disagree, point me in the right direction – I’m happy to be proved wrong).

It’s a solid, impressive show, and is sadly over all too quickly. Turns out that Monday nights are quite a good night to see a band on. Post-weekend post-metal. I’m so unconventional, me.

Amorphis – Camden Underworld, 10th October 2009

Despite being a relatively recent acquisition to my roster, Finnish folk/prog/melodic metallers Amorphis have fast become one of my top discoveries of the year so far, a fairly shameful admission in consideration of their lengthy career, their first album being released in the early 90’s. Perhaps not so bad when taking into account that until this gig, the band had never before appeared live in the UK, and their first gig was taking place at the fairly diminutive Camden Underworld – so it’s not just me that missed them, then. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to witness their first live performance on British soil and so made a flying visit to London to catch the gig.

Support for the night came from Before the Dawn, a melodic death metal band who I had listened to a few times before and was pleasantly surprised to discover were part of the evening’s proceedings. Fellow countrymen of the headline act, the Finns made a good impression with an energetic and dynamic set, debuting some new material as well as airing some older songs, one or two of which I was familiar with.

Amorphis themselves seemed to be all over the stage – it’s not an ideal space for five people but it’s quite entertaining watching them fit themselves in and around the available space, although the central pillar obscured some of my view for some of the time. It didn’t matter – opening with the first track from latest album ‘Skyforger’, Amorphis had the crowd in the palm of their hands straight away. ‘Silver Bride’ is uplifting and anthemic, the crowd sang along enthusiastically.

The setlist took songs mostly from the band’s three most recent albums, but there were older songs thrown in to create a really mixed, exciting setlist whichhad something for everyone. Frontman Tomi Joutsen is like a walking good mood, the man just emanates happy vibes, even when growling vintage doom classic ‘Black Winter Day’, and he was ably backed up by the rest of the band, who all put in great performances. Overall a very enjoyable night and one which I hope convinces Amorphis that we’re not so bad really, and that maybe, just maybe, they could come back and see us again sometime.

Faith No More – Edinburgh Corn Exchange, 25th August 2009

I’ve been looking for an explanation as to why it’s taken me quite this long to write up my review of this gig, and aside from the fact I’ve been extremely busy dossing about at home I can’t really come up with any real reason other than the one I didn’t really want to say out loud… It was a little bit of a let-down.

I feel like a total bitch saying that as I know tickets for this gig were like gold-dust; they flew out of the usual outlets in seconds and I only succeeded in scoring some by being tipped off that they were selling them from the Edinburgh Fringe Box Office and hanging on the phone with my heart in my mouth for a good 20 minutes. But hey, I can’t love everything I see (Mastodon and rubbish Nicolas Cage films are about the only things I've spoken ill of on here so far!) and I know I need to be more objective at times so here’s my opportunity.

First off, let’s deal with the venue itself. What a complete soulless wasteland of a place. Like a community centre aching to be hip, the bars were shiny and new and the walls were white-washed and glaring, even in the dark of the show. It was long rather than wide, and actually seemed to slope downwards towards the back, as once the place was full I literally couldn’t see a THING from where I was standing, and I’m no midget. The only vantage point I could find was out on the wing, quite far forwards, and due to the intensely packed nature of the venue I couldn’t even get there until over halfway through the gig. And the heat. Oh god, the heat. For a fairly high-ceilinged room with a relatively large exit, the lack of air on offer combined with the temperature made it about as pleasant in there as jamming your head up a fat Glaswegian’s armpit.

Anyway, onto the music. Oceansize were the support act. Having been mightily impressed with them at Sonisphere I was looking forward to seeing them again but they were not on point tonight. If I had been seeing them for the first time I would have lost interest fairly quickly; the depth of sound and beautiful light show on offer in the Bohemia tent was missing and in its place a lacklustre performance, two-dimensional in comparison. I struggled to defend them to my unimpressed other half but lost the will after a while as in honesty, I didn’t enjoy them that much myself. Perhaps the shortest love story ever written, between a band and myself.

Faith No More are rock stars, never let it be said otherwise. They may be on their first tour in 11 years but they are just as cool as they ever were, and to prove it they put on a display of tardiness even Metallica would be proud of. In fact, Metallica have been almost… punctual of late, so it’s a bit of a drag waiting a good 25 minutes for his royal Patton-ness and co to take the stage, especially with the rising heat.

When they finally grace us with their presence, it’s admittedly been worth the wait. The setlist is different to that at Download and has some highlights, Midlife Crisis, Gentle Art of Making Enemies and Ashes to Ashes among them. There’s also an impromptu rendition of the Eastenders themetune, as well as a great deal of amusing banter, but overall it isn’t a patch on the Download setlist, from a personal point of view. They have a fairly sizeable back catalogue to select from and although they move from album to album they somehow manage to miss nearly all of my preferred tracks. Didn't they read my memo! The lateness means their main set is only an hour long, and the two encores are more about pissing about than actually packing in the classics. I hate to say it but I wonder if they are getting bored with each other all over again. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed it, I did. Maybe I’m just in post-summer, post-festival, post-gig blues mode and am being overly crotchety. I take it back. They do seem to be having fun together, I’m just being a grouch. And despite all my gripes with the venue, the sound wasn’t too bad really. And Mike Patton had a girl up onstage to sing with him and she licked his armpit. Which is worth mentioning in itself.

All in all, I am over the moon to have seen them at Download, and maintain it was probably the best headline festival set I’ve ever seen. And I feel privileged to have had another chance to see them live. This show was Faith No More, so I don’t even feel like I should be allowed to complain. It was Faith No f**king More. Just… with a little something missing.